Infertility SUCKS!  Sorry, there is really no nice way to put it.  I feel as though I am going to have empty arms forever.  Thankfully, I am confident that the Lord will not allow our arms to remain empty, and that the longing of our hearts for children will be fulfilled.

Within the last month Hal and I had infertility tests done.  The results came back pretty negative.  Without getting into the medical mumbo jumbo (or revealing more than I am comfortable with), I have an ovarian hormone reversal which essentially will keep me from getting or staying pregnant.  Hence, the many miscarriages we’ve experienced.  My body does not believe that it is pregnant and therefore terminates the pregnancy. Hal has some issues as well which only complicates matters.  I cannot tell you how heart broken I was at this news.  In my desire to find out what our issues were, I almost wish we hadn’t found out.

However, my God is not surprised by this news.  He has us on this journey to produce something new in us, a renewed and strengthened faith, joyful hope, anticipation, and finding joy amidst the mountains we face.  That’s not saying that Hal and I haven’t been mourning and grieving this loss, but we also believe that there will be a time for us to dance (see Ecclesiastes).  I am also comforted to know that there are groups of people interceding on our behalf, and there is nothing more precious than that.

We’ve been referred to Southeastern Fertility for additional testing and to discover what our options may be.  Although our current doctor believes that our most likely option is adoption.  While we continue to pray that the Lord would allow us to conceive and birth a child of our own, we are asking the Lord to prepare us for a child of our hearts (especially if we can’t have a child of our bodies).  The song, “red and yellow, black and white, all are precious in His sight.  Jesus loves the little children of the world” has been playing in my head for the last couple days….there’s likely a reason for that.    Would you pray alongside us that the Lord would fill our arms with the child he has prepared for us…whomever they are and wherever they may come from?  Would you also commit to praying for the healing of our hearts?  That the mountain we face would begin to shrink with the power of our Mighty God?  Would you pray that we would remember that God is not limited by our physical infirmities, that He is not surprised by our infertility?  Would you pray that we would remember that He LOVES us and is FOR us?

We have finally added to the Weber family….meet Charlotte.

She’s a 6 week old Cockapoo (1/2 cocker spaniel, 1/2 poodle).  She is delightfully funny, has a quirky personality, loves to snuggle and run, likes to chew Hal’s old flip flops, runs to the door when she needs to potty (YAY!!!!), and has captured our hearts.

Hal and I both have needed something to nurture, to care for, to focus on, and to love while we are in waiting to be blessed with a child of our own.  We had felt so frustrated and disappointed with our infertility that we had begun focusing all our attention on that.  Which, as anyone who has been through this, knows that it can completely ruin your life if that’s all you focus on.  So, we knew we needed to make a change….thus, the inclusion of Charlotte in our little family.

Me and my girl!  Please ignore the randomness of my appearance…I had been wearing a dress with that jewelry and Charlotte was chewing the dress to pieces so I had to change…then she went after my hair.

Hal loves his girl

She loves playing in the grass…and eating the crabgrass.

More pics on Facebook.  We love her so much already….even when she accidently potties on the floor cause Mom and Dad aren’t paying enough attention to her signals. We’re so blessed to have her….she loves guests, so be sure to visit!!!

Shocking I know…two posts in one day!  This weekend I had the honor of celebrating with Hal for his 29th birthday!!!  We kept it low key since it had been a nutso week, but we had a great time.  To kick things off this year, I planned and saved for weeks to get his gifts, and I got them….2 months early.  So I have been torturing him for the last 8 weeks with these wrapped gifts that he had to wait to open till his birthday.  Ain’t marriage grand?!

We kicked off the day by eating leftover Chinese for lunch after church…exciting, right?!  All I can say is….budget, budget, budget.  But I did let Hal go ahead and open his presents after lunch.  I figured I had tortured him enough.

I think he was a little excited.

It’s a router…from what he explained it finishes edge and plunges holes (it’s some dual deal….thank you Lowe’s team member for the help!).

The big box which kept him very perplexed.

It’s a tablesaw….now he can cut things….like wood.

I think he’s trying to figure out how to use these tools to build a Jeep…I think he has a long way to go.

That night we went to Travinia for dinner…great Italian food and nice ambiance.  After taking our sweet time, we headed over to B & N to buy a puppy book so we’re prepared for Charlotte (see previous post).  I’m now well-read on crate training, potty training, and leash training…let’s hope these book smarts translate in real life.

And finally, for his birthday cake.  Hal loves cheesecake, I mean loves cheesecake.  So, I decided to forego the typical birthday cake and make him a cheesecake.  Only there’s one problem….I have never made a cheesecake, ever.  After looking at several recipes I settled on a New York style with a shortbread crust.  Many hours later, it tasted good, but it had some major cracks on the top.  Oh well.  Hal was happy, so I was too.

Hal, I love you more than life.  I am so proud to be your wife.  I hope you had a great birthday, now you can take your presents to the garage and play.   (I rhymed, you should be so proud.)

You read that right, tonight my lifegroup (the ladies) threw me a PUPPY SHOWER! I really do have the best lifegroup.  I’m still hoping to have a baby shower, but this was really a close second!!!  The party was complete with princess balloons, gifts, food, a bone cake, and lots of laughter!

For those of you who need to be caught up, Hal and I have decided to adopt a female cock-a-poo puppy, which we’ve named Charlotte.   I believe she will be 8 weeks old when we pick her up on Sunday!!!  Meet Charlotte… isn’t she the sweetest thing you’ve ever seen!

To get ready for her, our lifegroup threw us this amazing shower, we now have EVERYTHING we need to bring her home…here are some pics!

Here’s the ladies, minus Stacie who was getting her kids ready for bed.  From left to right: Michelle, Melanie, Melissa, Katie, Mary Catherine, me, and Beckey Joe.

The bone cake which was beautifully crafted by Mary Catherine…. AND…

me being a goofball…the icing was calling my name….”Sarah, SAAARRRAAAH”

Mary Catherine hacking away at the cake….

Mary Catherine gave me this pink tutu as the “going home” outfit…Hal may kill me.

Beauty shot of MC

Thanks Elliott family for all the goodies!

Thanks Mel, I’ll be sure to pass along the dog biscuit recipes to you and Michelle!

Michelle holding the pink pig “lovie” for Charlotte.

Yes, we even played the toilet paper game…thanks Mel!

Finally…a picture of me and Stacie!

The Loot

We got dog food, 2 kinds of dog treats, a tutu outfit (again, Hal may kill me),  a headband/necklace (which matches MC’s bow) haha,  a puppy bathrobe (which we’ll use as her towel after her baths, dog biscuit cookbook, water & food bowls, pink pig lovie, squeak toy (which we may have to hide), a picture frame (for our first family picture), god poop bags and clever holder to attach to our flexi leash, a new leash, ropes for chewing, a ball, and a lint remover.

Thank you so much ladies.  I feel so blessed to call you friends.  Thank you for sharing your lives with us and allowing us to share our journey with you.  We’re so excited to add to our family and thanks to your thoughtful gifts, we are all ready for Charlotte this weekend!  Maybe the next one can be of the human (baby) persuasion.   Love you all!

I got your attention with that one didn’t I?  I am a Christ-follower, a Christian, a lover of Jesus….whatever you choose to call it, and I don’t always like Jesus.  No, I didn’t just get struck by lightening.   Seriously though, that’s hard for me to admit.  Aren’t Christians SUPPOSED to like Jesus, doesn’t that just come as part of the package?

My honest answer…NO, liking Jesus doesn’t come easily to me.  I LOVE him as my Creator, Savior, Redeemer, Father, Friend, Counselor, Light in dark places, and on the list goes. However, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t loved someone but not liked them very much at times. I love my husband so much, but there are certainly times I don’t like him very much.   I think that’s a fair and truthful statement.

I sometimes feel that He is unclear, I sometimes feel like I am being manipulated, and I sometimes feel let down by Him and wonder why He won’t do for me what He’s done for others. I sometimes feel that I just don’t get it.  However, I know that I am nothing but dust without him. I know that I am a sheep wandered away from the flock without him. I know that I am wretched and worthy of nothing without him. And I know that by offering my life to him I have surrendered (given up my right) to my own wants, dreams and hopes for his wants, dreams, and hopes for me. I am learning to love him more than my life, to be honest with him rather than covering up my thoughts with “Christian-ese” words that mean nothing (you guys know what I’m talking about), to trust him even when I don’t like him, to walk this journey no matter where it leads, and to open my heart and mind up to more of him.  The cost of that is great.  It means giving up more of me and accepting more of Him.  It means enduring persecution and pain and loss.  It means repenting of sin which draws me further away from a right relationship with Christ.  It means accepting His grace and mercy when I don’t understand and simply don’t like Him.

I am fortunate to attend Beach Church.  A church where people can be honest and authentic.  We’re in a series called, “Confessions of a Pastor”.  Our small groups pastor (and the facilitator of our life group), Todd Elliott got up before the entire congregation and confessed to not liking Jesus.  WOAH!!!  A pastor not liking Jesus.  He offered a gut-wrenching, thought-provoking glimpse into authentic relationships with Jesus.  He’s invited us to join him on a journey with Jesus…A journey of really looking for the answers that Jesus leaves behind in His word, a journey towards wrestling with what Jesus says, does, and expects of me as a follower of Him.  I’ve decided to follow Todd’s journey as well as start one of my own.  I invite you to check out his blog I Don’t Like Jesus.

If we can’t be honest in the church, where can we? Joshua 1:8-10 (New International Version), “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

I know it’s been awhile since I last posted.  It’s been a busy, busy, busy season at work right now so that has monopolized a lot of my time.  However, I will have a couple posts up in the next week since we just had a Stay-Cation (stayed in town on a mini vacation), and Hal’s 10 year reunion.

Until I get those up, I wanted to re-post a blog from a couple months ago as it really fits where I am right now.  As some of you know I have been on quite a journey the last year or so, one that has been painful as much as it has made me hopeful.  I received some wonderful news from a friend that has been a source of encouragement to me, but still reminds me of my own brokenness.  Like the pot in the picture, it is broken, but it’s not destroyed.  It is still useful should someone choose to use it as it is.  I’m thankful that the Lord chooses to use broken vessels… Anyway, here’s the posting…with a couple edits.

While I’m Waiting

I have found myself having a harder time with trusting the Lord in this area of my life.  Although deep in my spirit I am still in love with the Lord and know that He is still the same yesterday-today-forever, I feel disappointed by Him.  I feel let down.  It’s been harder to find my feet on solid ground again.  The Lord, in his faithfulness, has continued to woo me back into communion with him (for which I am thankful) and has humbled me yet again.  I was asking Him to simply remind me that there is a purpose He has in this and that He will remain steadfastly beside me as I walk out this journey.  And He did, through a song heard in a movie.  This song was played in the middle of the movie “Fireproof” that Hal and I saw on Thursday night.  It moved me to tears and I felt that all familiar stirring in my soul to listen up and take in what the Lord had for me in that moment.  I wanted to share the lyrics to that song with you.  This is “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller.  It’s on his CD “The Blessing”.

Beyond reading the lyrics you will definitely want to listen…just click the link below.

While I\’m Waiting

I’m waiting

I’m waiting on you, Lord

And I am hopeful

I’m waiting on you, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait.

I WILL MOVE AHEAD, BOLD AND CONFIDENT.  TAKING EVERY STEP IN OBEDIENCE.  WHILE I’M WAITING, I WILL SERVE YOU.  WHILE I’M WAITING, I WILL WORSHIP.  WHILE I’M WAITING, I WILL NOT FAINT.  I’LL BE RUNNING THE RACE, EVEN WHILE I WAIT.

I’m waiting

I’m waiting on you, Lord.l

And I am peaceful

I’m waiting on you, Lord.

Though it’s not easy

But faithfully, I will wait.

Yes, I will wait.

I WILL SERVE YOU WHILE I’M WAITING, I WILL WORSHIP WHILE I’M WAITING, I WILL SERVE YOU WHILE I’M WAITING, I WILL WORSHIP WHILE I’M WAITING,I WILL SERVE YOU WHILE I’M WAITING, I WILL WORSHIP WHILE I’M WAITING ON YOU LORD.

Needless to say, the lyrics to this song almost literally brought me to my knees and have provided me with the ever important reminder that my God is greater than my pain and my sorrow, my fears and my doubts, even my joys and delights.  That even in the midst of my pain it should be and is my honor to worship Him, despite how I may feel.  That through the shared honesty with the Lord of where I am and how I feel that an exchange will take place and He will meet me in the trenches.  I love that about Him.  Blessings to you tonight.

So Hal and I had a rather eventful night.  I got home from the Pelicans’ game around 9:00 last night to a very pitiful husband.  He’s been complaining of fevers and just generally feeling crappy for most of the day, so I was hoping he’d be feeling better.  In the span of about two hours, Hal was throwing up and his fever had spiked to 100.7 degrees and he was complaining about pain in his right side.  Of course, that sent alarm bells screaming in my head!

I called the on-call doctor at Doctor’s Care (since we still don’t have a primary care doctor here) and he advised us to go to the Emergency Room.  So at about 11:30 we made it to the ER and while waiting to be seen, experienced a wide array of humanity.  Lots of highly intoxicated people, several injuries, one attempted suicide, one with a head wound, two with heart failure, and us.  (I overheard these cases after we’d gone back to have Hal looked at).  The doctor and nurses that were on Hal’s case were extremely nice and funny and compassionate…not something you find much in the ER.  After running a CT scan to check Hal’s kindneys and appendix, the waiting began again.

Long story short, Hal’s appendix was fine, and the doc diagnosed a kidney stone which he passed at some point last night (just based on all the symptoms).  So, after several hours we were released with a prescription of Vicodin should Hal need it, lots of water and rest, and keeping an eye on fevers and all that jazz.  But driving home at 2:30  a.m., all I could think about where the lives we came in contact with while we were there.  Broken people, broken lives, screwed up lifestyles, screwed up bodies, compassion, pain, doctors who demonstrated their understanding of the differences between men and women and what men are missing, nurses who got pleasure from putting tape on Hal’s hairy arms to keep the IV in place, all wrapped into 3 hours.  I found myself praying for those people behind the curtains surrounding us.  Praying that the Lord would touch their lives and renew their bodies and spirits. Would you think of them and pray as well?

And keep praying for Hal.  This is his 9th kidney stone (4th round of ER trips), and it’s brutal on his body.  He’s so tired.  And I, too, am exhausted from the worry and being up far later than I have been since graduating college.

Some exciting things are coming up at the Myrtle Beach area Chick-fil-A’s and if you live in this area, you won’t want to miss out on any of it!

First up….COW APPRECIATION DAY!

Cow Appreciation Day is Friday, July 10th across the country! Here’s the deal, go to any Chick-fil-A, at any time during the day July 10th dressed as a Cow and receive free chicken. How simple and how fun is that!?  Come by yourself, bring your family, bring a herd…all are welcome!  You may be asking, what is Cow Appreciation day? On one day only, black and white spots, cow bells and furry ears will be appropriate attire in the nation’s second largest chicken chain. In celebration of July 10, Cow Appreciation Day (an unofficial yet nationally recognized holiday), Chick-fil-A will award a free combo meal (breakfast, lunch or dinner) to any customer who comes to any Chick-fil-A fully dressed as a cow.  Fully dressed just means that you are dressed like a cow from head to hoof…I mean, toe.   For customers who want to just wear partial attire (cow printed purse, cow printed hat, cow printed shirt, or cow spots on your face, you will receive a free entree.  And from what I understand, there are contests at each of our stores to find the biggest and best herd of cows that day as well!  It’s an awesome and fun day and we invite you to participate!

Secondly, CUSTOMER APPRECIATION DAYS!

Throughout the month of July, several of our stores are having Customer Appreciation Days!  These weeks are devoted to telling all of our Raving Fans THANK YOU for your continued support and love for Chick-fil-A! There will be cows, activities, great food, festivals, 80’s nights, Nascar Nights, fine dining, and loads of fun!  Make sure you head over to the following locations where we can show you how much we appreciate your business!

• July 6-11: Chick-fil-A of Conway
• July 13-17: Chick-fil-A at Myrtle Beach Mall (formerly known as the Colonial Mall or Briarcliffe Mall)
• July 20-24: Chick-fil-A of Surfside

Lots of fun things happening this summer at Chick-fil-A!  Make sure you’re part of it!

I love jewelry…..like really love jewelry.  All of my friends know that I have a wide assortment of jewelry and in every spectrum of color on the rainbow.  And I happen to know a fantastic jewelry designer….my mom! She decided to go into business making the kind of jewelry that I wish others would do. Thus far she’s been selling things through parties and friends, but she’s now gotten her business license and is making this her real business and her real passion.  BTW, Bella Collina means “beautiful hill”.  My mom’s name is Cheryl Hill…get it?

She uses real high-quality gemstones, Swarovski crystals, real glass beads, real pearls, sterling silver and copper.  All of her pieces are unique, but she can of course make things in groups if someone wanted.  There is absolutely nothing plastic, nothing that will turn your ears green, and nothing cheaply made.  She’s a fantastic designer and a craftswoman for sure!  When my parents visited a couple weeks ago, she brought everything she’d been working on and I bought up 5 sets ASAP!  And drooled over tons more!

Here are a couple of pics of the pieces she’s recently designed.  She, of course, has tons more.  If you see something you like, let me know and I’ll get prices for you.  If you are interested in a particular color or if you’d like something designed for you, just let me know that as well or you can email her at bellacollinajewelry@yahoo.com.  She’s working on getting her website up and running, but until then, let me know if you’d like to see all her jewelry and I will post them for you.

Like I said, these are just a couple examples…..she’s really amazing!

Hal and I had a fantastic mini-vacation.  We headed out on Friday after lunch to Charleston to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary.  It was a much needed break for the both of us.  With Hal entering his last couple of days with his students and with me gearing up for a busy summer with CFA, we’ve both been ready for a vacation!!!

After checking into our hotel, we embraced our lazy selves and decided to just relax.  Vacations, for us, aren’t really about staying busy DOING stuff, we want to RELAX.  So we spent the afternoon being lazy.  We hit the market and just wandered around.  Downtown Charleston is so pretty this time of year and the weather was phenomenal.  We went to Gilligans for dinner…I love seafood and Hal dislikes anything except fried shrimp, so we always have to pick somewhere that he can get chicken or something else.  After dinner, we headed back to the hotel to put on some comfy clothes and went back out for ice cream.  Definitely my kind of night.

Saturday was another pretty day.  We got up, after sleeping late, and decided to go down to Folly Beach.  We walked down to the Morris Island Lighthouse…took some pictures (on Hal’s phone since we failed to bring the  Rebel).  Then off to the Kickin Chicken for some quick and yummy food and headed back to the hotel so we could get ready for James and Amelia’s wedding.  We met up with our good friends, Will and Diana Thompson, at the wedding and spent the evening laughing, chatting and eating.   We skipped out of the reception early so we could go downtown to Kaminsky’s…by far the best coffee and dessert place that I know of!  After some coffee and sinfully wonderful dessert, we parted ways and headed back to the hotel.  Here’s some pics from the wedding…we failed to take any of James and Amelia.

This is Will & Diana….if you’re ever in Surfside Beach, go eat at the Surfside Chick-fil-A..they’re the owners.

Doesn’t Hal look fantastic in a suit?!

Cheesin for the camera…anticipating coffee and dessert.

Sunday was another morning of sleeping in, but because of the rain we decided to head back to Myrtle Beach earlier than we had planned.  To round out our vacation we went to see Angels & Demons.  If  you’ve read the book, don’t go see the movie….you’ll be sorely disappointed at all the “creative liberties” they took.  They, essentially, rewrote the entire book.  I really hate when they do that!  The movie itself would have been great had I not read the book.  But I did enjoy the night out with Hal and am so glad we had the opportunity to get away for a couple of days to relax and reconnect.