Webster’s dictionary defines the word home as: one’s primary residence, the social unit formed by a family living together, a familiar or usual setting, a place of origin, in harmony with surroundings, on familiar ground.

May I be very honest with all of you?  I miss my home.  When I think of that word I think of several things: my husband who is truly the love of my life, my partner, my best friend, my confidante, the man who holds my heart in his hands; my family who has raised me and loved me and encouraged me each and every day of my life; my friends who are a constant support; my church family who has taught me, broken me, mended me, prayed for me, and sacrificially given of themselves to help. Sadly, I have none of these things in Myrtle Beach.

I feel a lot like this picture.  I’m this lone tree surrounded by the unfamiliar, with seemingly no ability to get back to where I want to be (with all the trees from which I came).  I’m trying to make a place on my new island, but I’m struggling to thrive.

I really hit the pinnacle of “homesickness” these last few days.  I miss my husband like crazy.  We’ve spent 4 weeks apart, and although we’ve had a couple opportunities to see each other, it’s never enough.  We have about 2.5 weeks to go until we’re both permanently in the same city together.  He’s my rock and my partner and it’s been so tough without him by my side.  I miss my family, they are the glue that has bound me for all my life.  Not being able to just jump in the car for a 20 minute drive to see them stinks.  I hate having to “plan” to see them.  I miss my friends.  Several of them have recently gotten pregnant and it stinks that I won’t be there to support them, watch them grow, and share in the lives of these precious gifts.  I miss that ability to meet with these wonderful friends, to openly share my thoughts and emotions (and vice versa), etc.  (I do thank the Lord for Will & Diana, they’ve been great).  I miss my church family who has loved me through miscarriages, fears, pains, joys, miracles…and who I have been able to invest in as well.  I miss being “needed” by the small group girls that I have had the privilege of doing life with for the last 3 years.  I miss feeling like I am a part of something.  I miss the pace of Greenville, which at times was annoying (AKA Woodruff Road), but was such a nice city.  I miss my old job where I always knew what to do in any situation and how to get what I want accomplished quickly and efficiently.  I both love and hate tourist season.  I love it because that’s what our business depends on in the summers, but I hate it because of all the traffic and near-wrecks because people don’t know what they are doing, I dislike the touristy-feel everywhere you look.

I feel so out of my element here.  Don’t get me wrong, there are good things here too.  I love my new job.  It’s been a tough transition into starting with a new company during the busiest times of their year.  I love the people I work with/for and am excited about the opportunities before me.  I am also excited about our first house and am ready for Hal and I to have some roots.

Beyond that, it’s been tough.  And I feel like I am hitting my breaking point.  Everyone has to have them when they undergo changes.  I’m reminded of an old analogy that Rich Butler used to say.  Change is like when you get braces.  There is the initial pain of sometimes having to have teeth removed to make room for the shifting process.  Once the braces are first on it takes some time to get used to them.  Then you go back to have the braces tightened so that the shifting of your teeth really begins.  This is a painful time.  At some point your teeth have gone where they were intended to go and there is a time of rest/non-pain.  But again, you go back to have the braces tightened again for the shifting to continue.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.  Once the completion of the shifting has taken place the braces come off and everything is aligned as it should be, but pain had to be involved in the process. This is a painful process for me.  However, I am still convinced that the Lord has a uniquely crafted plan and that he is presently aligning me to where he wants me to be.  He doesn’t come to me expecting me to be equipped for the task, he simply asks that I follow through and let him do the equipping.

The Lord has had me camping out in 2 Corinthians the last few days.  2 Corinthians 4:7-9 says, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from  us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed.”

In consideration of the process example I gave before I picked apart this verse and hope that the nuggets the Lord gave would also encourage you.  In this life we are but dust/clay which the Lord has used to create a “treasure” from.  This treasure is not of our own doing, but comes solely through relationship with Jesus Christ and his power made manifest in us.

The Lord in his wisdom formulates a process by which our ordinariness becomes treasure.  This process involves the typical pressures of life, which come from all sides.  Clay pots aren’t made tough.  If you’ve ever applied too much pressure to a clay pot you would know that it can be easily broken into pieces.  However, through the power of Christ he causes us to withstand those pressures.

The next process indicates that there are perplexities to be faced.  We deal with tough choices every day and not all those choices are cut-and-dry.  But while we are perplexed the Holy Spirit also moves in to give us hope, that we would not despair….little glimpses into the way we are to take.  The next part of that process is that persecution would take place.  I really hate that word!  I won’t take that word to the extreme in my case, but I know that I will be misunderstood, taken advantage of, ignored, etc.  But the Lord promises that he would NEVER leave us or forsake us.  So in those moments where I am feeling persecuted, I am also assured that I do not walk that path alone.  And lastly that even heartaches, big brokenness, and pain will be part of this process as well.   But the Lord clearly states in Matthew 11:28-30 that we are to come to him when we are weary and broken and burdened and that he would give us rest because when we switch yokes with him we will receive a yoke that is easy and light.

So while I am a weak jar of clay, I am convinced that no matter what comes my way, that I can trust the Lord to hold me together.  That when I feel alone and grieved and missing home and feel that this feeling won’t pass, that I am assured that the Lord who is faithful will provide the strength to withstand.  That when I yearn for home I need only turn into his arms and I’m there.  I know that when I ask for those tangible, physical glimpses of home that I know that the Lord has already begun a plan for me to encounter that which feels and is home to me.  And I when I pray that the Lord would extend his grace and allow Myrtle Beach to feel like home, that he who is faithful will do so.

Anyway, so that’s where I am today.  Please keep praying for me.  Love you and miss you all.