Benjamin Buczkowski
That sure is a mouthful, isn’t it!? This will be the newest addition to our LifeGroup once he decides to make his appearance. Me, our LifeGroup, family and friends gathered last night at the beautiful home of Milly Daniel to celebrate Brad and Lauren Buczkowski’s baby to be. The due date is in December, but I seriously think he’s coming during Thanksgiving week. It was so humbling to be in a room of 35 other women, all united under one purpose….to encourage and support Brad and Lauren as they are about to embark on the journey of parenthood. It was amazing to be a part of the prayer time we had for Lauren. We prayed over Brad and Lauren for peace and comfort and rest amidst all the craziness that occurs when a newborn enters a home. We prayed for little Benjamin’s delivery that it would be successful and easy and uncomplicated. We prayed for Benjamin’s baby years, that he would take to breastfeeding and eating well, that he would quickly learn to sleep through the night, and that he would be kept protected physically. We prayed over his toddler years. Specifically that as he experienced the love and passion is parents have for Jesus Christ, that he would grow up knowing that the Lord loves him and wants to call him his own. Our prayer was that he would know who the Lord is from a young age and that the desire for a relationship with Christ would come early. We prayed over Benjamin as a boy. It was so amazing to hear women from so many generations come together to pray over this young family. And I tell you what, Lauren will never need another thing for her baby….she now has it all. It took their car and mine to get all their new stuff home. You could tell Lauren was overwhelmed by the love of her friends and family. I think I would have been too. I praise my God for a great night of food, fellowship, encouragement, prayer, and baby stuff. Brad and Lauren, we love you and are waiting in anticipation for Benjamin’s arrival.
Trapped
“An overwhelming number of us feel TRAPPED in the lives we’ve created. The irony is that we are the cruel tyrants who hold ourselves captive, and the tragedy of our imprisonment reaches into the deepest caverns of our souls. Our passion to be free both ignites us and betrays us, and more often than not leads us and betrays us, and more often than not leads us to be consumed by an unforgiving fire. The very fire that burns within us can destroy us.” Stand Against The Wind, Erwin R. McManus.
I know that I often place myself in my own prison. My own personal captivity complete with chains and manacles. And I am finding that as much as I desire victory and freedom through Jesus Christ… I am also placing myself in my own prison. Instead of using those passions and desires the Lord has placed in me to pursue freedom and victory from the strongholds in my life, I often allow myself to be overrun with those same passions and in turn strangle myself. I become overwhelmed with the “process”. Does that make sense? I spend so much time “doing” life and trying to rush through so that I can stake my claim of victory, that I end up failing miserably! Absolutely miserably! And then I become so defeated that I often wonder why I made the attempt in the first place. Those passions and gifts the Lord placed in me feel wasted and purposeless. I then find myself spiraling into this sense of being trapped, stuck, unable to break free. To be honest, it is a seriously depressing place to be in.
The Lord is reminding me that He never intended for me to use those gifts and passions He’s given me to place myself in prison, in shackles. Not ever. In fact, He longs for me to ACCEPT the abundant life He has planned for me. (Deuteronomy 30:11-16, “what you are commanding me today is not too difficult for me or beyond my reach.”). He desires for me to let Him guide me with His ordained gifts over my life and to rest in Him and with Him. He wants me to take risks with Him, which requires my trust in Him. (Psalm 43:3, “send forth Your light and Your truth to my life. Let them guide me; let them bring me to Your holy mountain, to the place where You dwell.”) He wants me to be daily reminded that while I still sin and am imperfect and blemished, I am made clean and righteous in His sight because of Christ’s death on the cross for me (Romans 5:8). That despite those moments that I get myself trapped, I have the assurance that my God has come to save me and to raise me up out of the much and out of the shame and will guard my course and protect my way as I pursue a righteous, victorious life in Him (Proverbs 2:8).
Psalm 20:4, “May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.”
Jesus came with a purpose. He came to provide forgiveness of our sin and to set us free by the shedding of His blood on the cross. He is our Deliverer. He was willing to be taken captive (made a prisoner) on our behalf so that we could be free. When you rest in the freedom that the Lord gives, you are FREE to love without limits, to forgive, to show mercy and compassion, to be generous, to take risks and to sacrifice, to live, to truly live. When God becomes your desire, you can then trust the passions of your heart, and thus help you to live a truly passionate, victorious, free life! And who wouldn’t want that?! The Lord is reminding me that it has NEVER been his intention for me to feel trapped or to feel bound by the very passion He placed in me. He just wants me to walk them out through Him and only Him.
So, just a little insight into what the Lord is working on with me this week.
Grateful
I am grateful that on days like today the Lord reminds me of how truly interested He is in me. For example:
He knows I love sunshine, and today, there is an abundance of sunshine.
He knows I love cool weather, so we’re resting at a gorgeous 70 degrees today.
He knows I love nature, so He has provided the changing of the leaves colors for me to see (even if it is only for a short time).
He knows I need Him, so He allows me to feel His presence.
I love my Abba Father, and am so grateful He chooses to please His daughter in simple ways.
Standing For Grace
May I be vulnerable with you tonight??? Life’s tough. You’re not very surprised by that statement are you? This week has been a really tough one. I believe the Lord gave me an awesome weekend as a momentary reprieve from the yuck. He’s good about stuff like that. 
But seriously, it’s been such an amazingly tough week. I’ve been fascinated to see how all the many things the Lord has been teaching me over the last 3 months (reread previous posts for insight) have all come together for this moment. All these many things that seem so separate from each other are, in fact, very closely related and purposed for this past week.
Two words…GRACE and FORGIVENESS. This has been the call of God since the fall in Eden. God recognized our depravity and our inability to be free of sin and evil, He chose, out of his endless love and grace, and gave us freedom (even when we didn’t deserve it) through the death of His son, Jesus Christ. He gave us this gift even when we didn’t deserve it. The Lord has settled this thought in my mind so much over the last few weeks. I thought this “extra reminder” was for a different purpose. Instead, in a moment of incredible emotional and mental pain…the Lord called me to return grace to someone who did not deserve it. And I tell you what, I battled with it for hours. The last thing my flesh wanted to do was to forgive. Literally the last thing. In my humanness I wanted to lash out in anger and bitterness. And yet over and over He called me to be obedient by showering grace.
Instead of bitterness and anger, Jesus chose forgiveness for those that called him names, who beat him bloody, who literally killed him. And he calls us to do the same. When we are free from bitterness we become free to pursue the life God has created for us. When we choose to bestow grace, even to those who are undeserving, we are being obedient to the call of Christ. (Hebrews 12:14-15) Bitterness and anger destroys. It eats at us from the inside out. It strips us from our happiness, our joy, our positive outlooks, our relationships, etc. Yet, the grace of God frees us from those things that would destroy us. This is why even in the midst of major emotional and mental pain, He called me to trust Him by giving out grace. And not just grace. He wanted me to make that extra step into forgiveness…much like Christ. In His grace, Jesus gave his life for our freedom through Him. In the same moment, he forgave those that sinned against him. It’s a big step between grace and forgiveness…yet He requires both.
I have to be honest, I’m not quite to the forgiveness part. I believe that I have stepped out in obedience to show grace to this person who harmed me and harmed our relationship. I have consistently walked in this grace with this person. It has become a daily choice, simply because this tendency is not part of my human nature. Human nature would tell me to lash out at this person, to resent this person, and to shove that person aside. But, by the grace of God, He is allowing me to show grace. Now, I have to walk out this forgiveness that Christ also asks of me. It’s not easy. It means denying myself, choosing to not live solely for my own selfish desires, it means trusting the Lord with these issues. It means trusting the Lord with my emotions. It means trusting the Lord that when He tells me to forgive, that He will give me the power to do so. And then it means me stepping out in obedience.
Grace and Forgiveness is where the Lord has me resting. Please pray that by the Lord’s power, I will be obedient to walk out in faith this grace and this forgiveness in its entirety. God bless!
What A Weekend
Man! What a weekend we had in the Weber house! It was busy and so much fun! I’ll post the pictures later today. Here is the recap of the weekend!
On Friday night, my good friends, Will and Diana, came up to stay with us this weekend. I enjoy their company so much!!! We decided to go to the oh-so-cheesy, yet fun, Tigerama at Clemson’s Littlejohn Colosseum. Basically it’s a night to get the student body and alumni of Clemson hyped up for the homecoming game with skits, homecoming court, videos, music, prizes, and lots and lots of cheering! Totally cheesy, but was definitely interesting to say the least.
On Saturday morning, Will, Diana, Hal, and myself were all out of the house by 7:45 AM. Yes, you read it correctly, I got up at 7:45 in the morning on a Saturday!!!! We ate breakfast and then hit the road to Clemson. Being that it was Homecoming weekend, we had to stop by Bowman Field to check out all the floats, the Habitat house that is built in one week, and other things. But I think the best part is getting the opportunity to see some people we haven’t seen in ages and to see some people who we see all the time…just in a different setting. Anyway, there’s something pretty awesome about walking into Death Valley and seeing a sea of orange. It’s amazing! I loved every minute of the game against Central Michigan. I especially loved the end result. Clemson 70 – Central Michigan 14. Talk about a serious moral booster! Hopefully this will spur on the Tigers to more wins as we near the end of the season. After the game we went home to change and rest for a few minutes and then headed out to Red Robin for dinner. If you’ve never been there you seriously need to go!! They have the best hamburgers, you’ll especially want to check out the Banzai Burger. It was so nice to sit back and talk with our sweet friends over a good meal. Then we were off to Barnes and Noble for coffee and more relaxing. We got home somewhere around 9:00 and we were all seriously in bed and mostly asleep by 10:00. Kinda sad, huh?
So Sunday we went to church at CrossRoads. We just started a new series in Revelation called, You’ve Got Mail, a look at the 7 Letters to the 7 Churches. It was so great to dive into this book in the Bible that is seriously controversial and tough to understand. After church we headed to McAlisters for lunch. Then we headed back to the house to send Will and Diana on their way back home.
We had an awesome time at Clemson and with our good friends! But I tell you what, it’s weekends like these that remind me of how good God is. Not because Clemson won or anything like that, but because He reminded me of the gift of life, of laughter, of good friends, and of how much He desires for us to enjoy what He has blessed us with. He loves us so much! There is no greater blessing than to know that my God who created me, who is Lord over my life, desires to see me find joy all the days of my life and creates moments like these to remind me of that. I hope to post some pictures by this afternoon. Have a great day!
Random Stuff
This post is seriously an update on the RANDOMNESS of my life this week.
Thought you’d like to see my new haircut! There’s something strange about how attached we women are to our hair. It’s like a security blanket and whenever you go in to a salon for a cut there is always major anxiety. I went to this great salon called Emmanuel’s Salon, which is owned by Phil and Linda Doub. Linda was AMAZING! My new haircut is awesome, I love it. And she was great about keeping my brain occupied while I saw piles of hair come off my head! So, next time you want a great cut, at a great price, go check them out!
Also, Hal and I will be going to Clemson on Saturday for their homecoming game against Central Michigan! I am seriously hoping for a win!!! It should be a really fun day to tailgate with our friends, eat good food, and celebrate when the Tigers win! Here’s hoping that it doesn’t rain…that would seriously stink!
Our friends, Will and Diana Thompson, are coming up to stay with us for the weekend. I tell you what, they own the best restaurant in Surfside…..CHICK-FIL-A!!! I’m hoping that Hal and I will get to move down there by next fall and work alongside this amazing duo!
My parents just got back from a business trip to Italy. My mom was telling me some common misconceptions about Italy…here’s a few: Italians seriously have no idea what pepperoni is so don’t ask for a pepperoni pizza, in Venice the gondolier “drivers” don’t sing when they guide you through the water in those little boats, Italian wine is not very good…that’s all I can think of at the moment, but there were a lot of interesting tidbits. Isn’t it interesting how we let TV and movies dictate what we think the reality of life is like in foreign countries?
Anyway, I think that about wraps up this random update! I promise to be a bit more serious in my next few posts. Have a great day!
Precious Babies
Hal and I are in an adult LifeGroup through CRCC. It consists of 6 couples: Brad and Lauren Buczkowski, Adam and Shanah Keyes, Chad and Christie Pruitt, David and Lauren Walker, Matt and Stefanie Wadsworth, and us. The Lord could not have blessed us with a better group of people to do life with. We’ve had 2 of our couples give birth to beautiful babies this year, with one more on the way in December. So, I wanted to post some of their pictures. The first 4 pictures are of Abraham Keyes. The last 3 pictures are of Caitlyn Pruitt. ENJOY!
Lord, thank you for blessing our group. I ask that you would place your hand of protection over these children and their parents. Lord I ask that you would protect Lauren as she carries Benjamin for the next few weeks. Father, I ask that you would bring forth children to the others in our group that desire them. Lord, thank you for the blessing of children…your precious ones.
Gutted Like a Fish
No, I have never actually gutted a fish….I have, however, pinched the heads off fresh shrimp. Yes, I, who hate slimy things pinched the heads off of about 50 shrimp. IT WAS SO GREAT! Ha-ha!
Seriously, I had lunch on Thursday with an absolutely amazing woman who I am so privileged to know and spend time with. We were having a conversation about submission and other things the Lord is teaching the both of us and she brought up the analogy of gutting a fish.
Before a fish can be cooked, you must scrap off the scales, insert a knife into the middle of the fish, and cut the fish open. At that time you must take your knife or finger and literally scrape out the guts of the fish. You have to be sure to thoroughly scrape it all out in order to have the fish prepared for cooking. It’s not edible if you leave the guts in. So, how does that relate to something the Lord is teaching us???
The Lord has encouraged us to be split open. We are open to an intimate relationship with the Lord through prayer and study, and worship, etc. But there is still so much JUNK in us. We are being asked to be willing to scrape out all the nastiness and “guts” in our lives. He wants us to do this, he wants us to be willing to deal with all our mess, all the sins and fears and doubts in our lives. It’s a yucky process. Sometimes it makes you feel worse before you feel like you’ve accomplished anything. Sometimes you want to gag by the stench that has become your life. But yet, God asks that we keep going. He asks that even after we’ve scraped out the gunk, that we check it again. We look over every crook and cranny of that inner self to be sure that all the yuck has been eradicated from our lives. Through gutting the fish, we become clean and whole and prepared. It’s not an easy process nor is it a fun process, but it is absolutely necessary to our livelihood.
I found that a very interesting analogy, but boy has it made me think about my life in a different perspective. I sure don’t think that I will look at a fish in quite the same way. Thanks, Bev!!! So, Lord, I’m willing to be gutted. Help me to find the courage to do it, even when it hurts. Give me the perseverance to keep at it until all of the yuckiness is gone. Make me whole and acceptable in your sight.
Jealous Lover and Ultimate Hero
So, I mentioned a few posts ago that the Lord is really changing my thinking in regards to seeing God as a jealous God, and thus, seeing him as my Hero. I’ve been doing some searching in the scriptures and in some other resources and found a really great mini-book that really explained this concept in a phenomenal way. Again, rather than trying to make my own thoughts make sense, I decided to use an excerpt from the book, “Epic: The Story God is Telling and the Role That is Yours to Play” by John Eldredge.
“When you read the Old Testament, you get a glimpse into what it feels like to be God. ‘I long to be gracious to you. You are precious and honored in my sight, because I love you. But you are the offspring of adulterers. You have made your bed on a high and lofty hill, forsaking me, you uncovered your bed, you climbed into it and opened it wide. You have been false to me’ (from Isaiah). ‘I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me…What fault did you find in me that you strayed so far from me? You are a swift she-camel running here and there, sniffing the wind in her craving-in her heat who can restrain her? Should I not punish them for this? Should I not avenge myself? I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness. What have I done to make you hate me so much?’ (from Jeremiah). God is filled with the jealousy of a wounded lover. He has been betrayed time and again. Like a woman bound to an affair from which she cannot get free, like a man so corrupted he no longer knows his own name, the human race is captive in the worst way possible-we are captives of the heart. The challenge God faces is rescuing a people who have no idea how captive they are. We know we long for Eden, but we hesitate to give ourselves back to God in abandoned trust. We are captivated by the lies of the Enemy….
“God himself-the King of all creation-takes on human flesh and enters our Story as one of us. He sets aside his glory, clothes himself with humanity, and sneaks into the enemy camp, under cover of night, to whisper words of love to his own: “I have come for you” This is, after all, a love story. God created us in freedom to be his intimate allies, and he will not give up on us. He seeks his allies still. Not religion. Not good church people. Lovers. Allies. Friends of the deepest sort. (Jeremiah 24:7) Have you noticed that in the great stories the hero must often die to win the freedom of his beloved? William Wallace (in Braveheart) is slowly and brutally tortured for daring to oppose the wicked king, his death breaks the grip that darkness has held over Scotland. Neo is the Chosen One (from the Matrix triology), faster and more daring than any other before him. Even so, he is killed. His death and resurrectin shatter the power of the Matrix, set the captives free.”
“The life, death, and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth answers once and for all the question, “What is God’s heart toward me?” At the point of our deepest betrayal, when we had run our furthest from him and gotten so lost we could never find our way home, God came and died to rescue us. You have never been loved like this. He has come to save you in every way a person can be saved. That is God’s heart toward you.“
The jealous lover who demands the full attention and love from his bride, and the hero who steps in to willingly sacrifice himself because of his great love for us. This love goes beyond all bounds that we can understand in the physical world. We will never understand it, and thus is one of the reasons we struggle so much with trusting completely in that love. But what would it be like if we were willing to try? What would it be like if we were willing to believe in that love so much that we were able to see beyond our own circumstances and life stories to recognize that every moment of it has been ordained by our God who took a chance on us because he believed in us enough to give us infinite second chances? What would it be like if we truly believed that God’s heart for us is one of absolute love, despite our failures, that he pursues us even when we turn away? I know that the Lord is wanting a paradigm shift in my life. He wants me to see him as a jealous lover who requires all of me, as well as my hero who was willing to die for me in order to see me set free.
Feeling Weepy
I have been a wreck the last two days. All I’ve wanted to do is cry…and for no apparent reason. I’m NOT pregnant, no one has died or gotten ill, nothing bad is going on at all. In fact, yesterday was a GREAT day because it was the first Sunday that I can remember that Hal and I got to spend the entire day together. I even chose to skip out on youth group (I’m a leader) so that I could spend that day with my husband. Cause frankly, we never get to spend that much time together. As much as I love the students in our youth ministry, spending time with my family is more important. Anyway, our time together was wonderful, and yet, I found myself crying ALL DAY! And it didn’t end there!!!! I woke up this morning just wanted to curl back under my covers and cry my head off…but alas, there wasn’t time. What’s up with me!? I have no idea. I’ve found myself turning to the Psalms this morning to seek a little comfort. But dangit, I still want to cry.
Am I the only one out there who has ever felt that way?
